Mrs P and her tasty tart

I do love a good tart.

*snigger snigger*

You see, I’m laughing already. I really don’t think that my love of a good tart has much to do with food, really, more that I find the name an endless source of amusement.

Tart tart tart. here is Mrs. P, with her tasty tart. Would you like some tart? It’s a little bit spicy…

*combusts with mirth*

Childish giggling at the name aside, tarts, I find are awfully good for a spot of informal catering. They have that quality of being able to be brought to the table to rapturous applause (even if it is only in my head), and I find there really is something a little special about that.

I made this particular tart for a gathering of the families. We go to France together very early in the morning, and it was one last chance to prove that we aren’t all going to kill each other.

For the tart making, I even decamped the Little Pink Kitchen to the mother-in law’s Big Cream Kitchen.

A Big, Cream Kitchen, indeed.

I feel like I have cheated a little bit on you guys, and I am very sorry for the wrong I have done.

Rest assured I came home and gave all my lovely pink things a little stroke. I think they have forgiven me.

Maybe.

*crosses fingers*

I’ll report back on how the whole ‘family holiday’ thing goes in a week, once I have apologised to my kitchen for using a LITTLE FRENCH KITCHEN for a whole week.

For now, here is the tart I made for that dinner.

Firstly, I poured a glass of champagne, I was making champagne jelly and it would have been rude not to finish it off.

I then got a butternut squash. And laughed.

Because as well as finding the word ‘tart’ amusing, I also find butternut squashes highly amusing vegetables.

The fun never ends with me.

Honest.

After I composed myself, and took a swig of champagne, I peeled and chopped the butternut squash.

I suggest you do the same.

Both the champagne and the chopping.

Before putting it on to steam. I guess roasting the thing is an option, too. If you are feeling fancy.

I like to live out my fanciful whims through swigs of champagne, rather than butternut squashes, but I shall leave that decision to you.

Take a big bag of spinach.

To the gods of organic, free-range spinach, I am very sorry.

I bought a bag in Sainburys.

As well as cheating on my kitchen, I cheated on my morals.

Goodness only knows what will happen in France. It’s likely to be OFF THE HOOK, no matter.

Chop the evil, supermarket bought vegetable spinach…

And put it in a pan with some butter.

I forgot to take a picture of the butter, but rest assured, it’s there.

It usually is.

After it is all nicely cooked down, grate in a LOT of nutmeg, and add some salt and pepper if you are that way inclined.

Then put the spinach in a sieve, to drain out excess water.

By this stage, your butternut squash should be cooked.

Put it in a bowl and mash it up.

Mash it up goooooooood, baby.

Add some lovely spices, along with some salt.

And a big dollop of creme fraiche.

And then mix it all up.

Mix it up gooooooooood, baby.

Move kitchens to your mother-in-laws at this point if you really want.

But be sure to melt some butter.

Use the butter to grease a baking tray, before adding a sheet of filo pastry.

Then add more butter, and another sheet.

You want about 3 or 4 sheets of pastry.

Then add the drained spinach mixture.

Before laying yet another 3 or 4 sheets of pastry and butter.

Then, add the spiced squash mixture.

If you fancy it, a layer of feta or goat’s cheese would be delicious here, but there are some anti-cheese types in my family, so I didn’t bother.

Next time.

Top with another 3 or 4 layers of pastry and butter…

And then mark with a knife into portions.

Bake in a lovely hot oven until golden brown.

And then serve.

On a GREEN plate.

Honestly *shakes head*

And with that, I am off on my holibobs.

See you guys soon!

Spinach and butternut squash tart
Cooking time 1 hour. Serves 8.

2 packs filo pastry
1 butternut squash
260g pack spinach
150g butter
2 tbsps creme fraiche
Half a nutmeg
2 tbsps dried coriander
2 tbsps dried cumin
2 tsp ras el hanout
Salt and pepper

1. Peel and chop the squash, and steam until tender. This should take about 15 minutes.
2. Chop the spinach, and cook in a knob of the butter until wilted.
3. Grate in the nutmeg and add salt and pepper to taste.
4. Place in a sieve and press down, squeezing out excess water.
5. Once the squash is cooked, mash with the spices and creme fraiche, seasoning if necessary.
6. Melt the butter.
7. Brush the bottom of a baking tray, add a layer of filo, and totally cover with more butter.
8. Repeat until 3 layers are built up.
9. Add the spinach, covering with three more layers of butter and pastry.
10. Spread the butternut squash over the pastry, and then cover with three more layers of butter and pastry, finishing with butter.
11. Lightly score the tart into sections.
12. Bake at 180 degrees for 30 minutes, or until golden brown.

The one with the dodgy pastry

I had this totally awesome blog post lined up, where I showed you my failsafe method of making pastry that never ever fails ever and tastes amazing. Then, as if the gods of not being a smug cow shone on East Belfast, my PASTRY SHRUNK while being baked.

There you go readers, a lesson learnt in not being smug. Although I’ll bet Sophie Dahl (queen of smug in this week’s Radio Times) or Rachel Allen (too smug to even think about) never have shrinking pastry. Le sigh.

MAVERICK that I am, I’m going to post the recipe anyways, because the blogging world is about real cooking I think, and real people do silly thing like forgetting to use baking beans. It usually doesn’t shrink (especially if you don’t forget aforementioned beans), promise, and even the slightly shrunken version provided an excellent vessel for a cheesy filling. Sorted.

*cookery crown wobbles ever so slightly*

I start the pastry by measuring out plain flour, some seasoning and a mixture of butter and Stork into a bowl. For some reason, the mixture of fats creates a lovely texture and flavour, I find. Although this posh butter, from the dairy section, didn’t really tickle my fancy. I’ll stick with the regular kind in future, stop getting ideas above my station.

Feel free to use only one or the other. But be sure to cut it up into tinnnnnnnnnny little pieces. Well, not that tiny, but I’m doing my Bill Bailey impression in my head, so roll with it.

The bowl then gets fired into the freezer for a wee while.

After a little go in the freezer, I put it all in the Magimix Of Joy. Any food processor will do, or you can even take it back to the old school and rub with yer fingers, but you want it to resemble crumbs.

Kinda like this. Crumb-y, isn’t it?

Then you tip the crumbs back into the bowl, and mix in enough cold water to bring it all into a big ball of dough, like so.

Then that ball of fun goes for a little sit in the freezer for a little while, before getting rolled out, like so. Thats the second time in one post I have used that phrase, I clearly must expand my vocabulary.

Use the dough to line the tin, and then put the whole lot in the freezer for one last blast of cold.

Meanwhile, prepare the filling: lovely manchego cheese, a nice onion and a somewhat forlorn looking red pepper (forlorn-ness optional).

Heat up a griddle. Getting an interesting picture of a griddle is quite tricky by the way, so I fully recommend a slightly jaunty angle at this stage.

While that heats up, cut the pepper into thick slices.

And the onion, too.

And then, in a shock maneuver, put the slice of veg on the griddle. You might need two batches.

At this point, take the case out of the freezer, and brush the base with some lovely mustard.

I find a thick layer of mild mustard yummiest (I think I just made that word up, what was that about expanding vocabulary?), but you GO WILD and use however much you want of any kind of mustard. Life is for living, innit?

Now, do what I FAILED to do and place a square of baking paper and baking beans over the case before putting into a hot oven. I don’t have a photo, because I didn’t do it. I am a fool.

While that is baking, use a potato peeler to create strips of cheese. I like a nice oozy middle of cheesy goodness in this tart, which grating doesn’t allow for. Peeling is the way forward.

When the case has cooked, it should hopefully look like a slightly less shrunken version of this…

It is now time to dry your tears over shrunken pastry fill the case.

I put the onions at the bottom…

And then the cheese and the peppers. It creates a sort of oozy cheese middle if you do it this way. Mmmmmm… Cheeese…

Then mix together some eggs, a spoonful of creme fraiche and some seasoning…

Pour it over the vegetables….

And bake.

I served mine with a nice green salad and some garlicky potatoes. It was a meal full of yum, if not perfection. And that, to me, is what food is all about.

Red pepper, onion and cheese tart
Serves 4. Cooking time 1hr 15 minutes.

200g flour
50g Stork
50g butter
2 tbsps dijon mustard
1 red pepper
100g manchego cheese
1 onion
3 eggs
1 tbsp creme fraiche
Salt and pepper

1. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees.
2. Place the flour in a bowl with some salt and pepper. Add the butter and Stork, cut into small pieces. Place into the freezer for about 10 minutes.
3. Take out of the freezer, process into crumbs and add enough cold water to bring into a ball (it took about 4 tbsps for me). Place this in the freezer for about 10 minutes.
4. Roll the dough out and use to line an 8″ tart tin. Place in the freezer for another 10 minutes.
5. Spread the pastry with the mustard, cover with parchment and baking beans and blind bake for 15 minutes.
6. Slice the peppers and onion and cook on a griddle till nice and charred.
7. Using a peeler, create shavings of the cheese.
8. Once the case has cooked, layer the onions, cheese and peppers in it.
9. Prepare the rest of the filling by whisking together the eggs and creme fraiche with some salt and pepper. Pur over the vegetables.
10. Bake in the oven for 20 minutes, or until golden brown.
11. Serve.